Grief

Grief is really about change, and the most obvious change comes when someone we love dies or disappears from our life. But it also comes when you’re suddenly jobless or homeless after a natural disaster. Grieving is the process of adjusting to the new situation. And that takes time. Of course, life goes on; eating and breathing happen, just minus the person/job/house/pet you’re missing. No question, it’s rough to be cruising along and suddenly life takes a sharp right turn and you’re fighting for survival. Of course, you wrote this in your life’s flight plan but that’s no help when you’re in emotional quicksand up to your chin.

So, bereavement is being confronted by change and having to adjust to it—your mate dies or leaves, or a tornado moves your house to the next state, resulting in unbidden, unwanted change, drastic life rearrangement, and major stress as you adjust. Of course, anger and denial are options, too, but acceptance and adjustment are the sane responses. And while you’re accepting and adjusting, ask “Now why have I pulled this into my life? What did I plan to learn? How did I intend to grow?”

Another facet of losing a loved one is that, if you think that death is the end, the love you once directed at that person suddenly has nowhere to go, so it turns in on itself, which is uncomfortable because love must flow. But, in a spiritual society, where you know your loved ones never really go anywhere and are still around, you can continue to direct the love to them. Then, as they stand right next to you, although not in corporeal form, the love you’re sending is warmly received.

Those on the other side, speaking through mediums, tell us this is the absolute highest way in which we can help them adjust to their new situation. Typically, they say, “Your love and prayers for us are the best possible ways you can help us over here, and infinitely more beneficial than your tears.” So if you really love them, keep the love flowing, and disregard the cynics who tell you that you’re in denial.

In a spiritual society, acceptance says, “What I once cherished as ‘normal’ is over. One day there will be a new ‘normal,’ but getting there will take a while. Meanwhile, life goes on and I will summon the Resources to meet the Challenge, and I will survive and grow.”

An important issue around death is how we handle the grief of others. Unfortunately, many people avoid them, as if death were somehow catching. However, this is turning your back on them when they need you the most. If your friend has just ‘lost’ a child or mate, he or she really needs you to be there. Moreover, those in grief really need to talk about their loss and their loved one, for this is an important part of the grieving process. So, try not to avoid those in grief or shy away from discussing the death. A spiritual society will be comfortable talking about death and those who have just made the transition.

Read more on grief and the Grief Cycle here

"Grief" is excerpted from "Death Without Fear" by Tony Stubbs